Distraught: The Novel
by 2028
Summary: AU: Set after the season finale, but based on the plots of the episodes. Charlie wrote another book.


Tag to Distributed (5.21)- sorta. Definitely has spoilers and it is semi related to the plot in that episode but there are a bunch of other spoilers for other episodes in here.

The italicized parts are direct quotes from Distributed (5.21). I lay no claim to them; they just happened to fit into my story. On that note, I don't own any of the Numb3rs characters or plots.

* * *

"Hey, Charlie is on tv".

"Still have hard time believing he wrote about something other than math".

"I had a hard time believing he agreed to another interview. I seem to remember having to convince him just to go to the ones for his first book" Larry chipped in.

Everyone from the team was surrounded around the tv at the Craftsmen house. The release of another book by Charles Eppes had, for some reason, been the factor in dragging David back from DC and Megan back from her research in prison.

"Guys, quiet he is about to go on".

Everyone stared as Charlie walked onto the screen and took a seat next to the moderator.

"Is it just me or does him look ridiculously nervous"

"The man is a professor. Shouldn't he know how to talk to crowds?" Colby asked.

"Hey, Charlie's students are way more scared of him than he is of them. Trust me" Amita defended her husband.

"Wait" Don got up to approach the tv "Did they put makeup on him?".

"They always do that on tv, Don. It is completely reasonable. The lights they use wash everything out and you end up looking like a ghost".

"Or like you just got over a ten day flu"Amita chimed in.

"Okay, really they are about to start talking" Alan tried again to quiet the group and this time they actually listened.

* * *

"So, Charles Eppes. Mathematician. Professor. FBI consultant" the moderator's voice lighten up at the end as she turned from the screen to look at Charlie.

"You recently published your second book" she continued.

"Technically second book; I have written parts of textbooks, but for whatever reason, I never get tv interviews out of those" Charlie smiled. On the second go around with this dog and pony show, he had picked up a couple tricks. Example: People liked it when you're funny.

"Well, you have to admit, math professor working with the FBI; lot easier to understand".

"I suppose it does have a certain thrill to it, that for most people, applied mathematics lacks".

"So from the very beginning: how do you start with the FBI?"

"My older brother is an agent. I would not have started with the FBI if it had have been for him".

Back at the house, Don smiled, while David and Colby mock teased him, shoving him around a little. Alan admired his two sons, one in his element as team leader, friend and the other on tv talking about his new book. He filled with pride.

"So one day, you were teaching and the next solving murders. Explain the transition to me"

"We all use math every day; to predict weather, to tell time, to handle money. Math is more than formulas or equations; it's logic, it's rationality, it's using your mind to solve the biggest mysteries we know".

"Wow, clearly you understand it much better than me. So how exactly does that have to do solving murders?"

"Many crimes are committed in a pattern. The FBI works more serial crimes, making all types of predictable and bounding equations more relevant. Humans are more creatures of habit than ones realizes and math can essentially boil down basic human trends into a series of numbers or a set of expressions or an equation. That formula can then be reworked using the specifics for different victims, crimes or cases".

"Predicting human behavior sounds like heavy stuff" Charlie and the moderator carried on in this manner for several more minutes.

"Man, he really has already better at this whole explanation thing".

"Remember, back on the first case" David started "he was so anxious to explain his idea, no one could understand a thing he said. I think Amita finally had to explain the concept to the rest of us".

"Man, that seems like such a long time ago"Amita said. It was the first time she had even been inside an FBI office and she, as a grad student, just followed her professor around as he spoke to highly qualified government employees. The whole thing took a while to get used to.

"Remember when he used to steal my food and use it in his explanation. It seemed like everything time I had food in my hand, Charlie was destroying in the name of math" Megan laughed as she recalled Charlie plunging his hand into her ice water and him stealing her popcorn.

"I remember one time, on that plane crash case, he took a muffin right out of Edgerton's hand and threw it on the ground" Colby told the room.

"Really? I can't believe I missed that" Nikki complained.

"Oh, the look on Ian's face. Classic" David continued.

Eventually the team tuned back in to hear that the interview had progressed to talking about individual cases.

"I seem to recall" the moderator started "that you caught a serial killer working only off a pattern".

"Of course she had to bring up this case" Don muttered under his breath as the room watched Charlie sink a little back into his chair and lightly tap the chair arm with his knuckles.

"So how did you start? What lead you to suspicion him?" Charlie forced out a laugh.

"Honestly that whole case originated as a thought experiment".

"Pretty dramatic ending for a thought experiment"

"Yea...well that case, bad timing"

"Timing?"

"The week before we had broken up an illegal smuggling ring, identified potential houses using my math. At one of the houses, there was a fifth man...who stabbed my brother"

Silence. The moderator seemed shocked or maybe she was trying to get him to say more about the subject. Everyone in the Eppes house, stayed quiet, having no funny stories about that week or that case.

"Some people drink, some gamble - I analyze data". Charlie smiled a little sad smile, one that he gave whenever he revealed a unique personality different from the rest of the general public.

Maybe the moderator realized stabbings did not make for humorous televisions or maybe that was the only question she planned to ask, but she moved on to lighter subjects and about ten minutes later concluded the interview.

The rest of the team watched the summary roll and sat in the living room, waiting for Charlie to come back so they could tease him about what he said on live tv.

"The best selling author returns" Don said sarcastically as soon as Charlie entered the house.

"Tell me Mr. Eppes" Nikki leaned in, pretending to be a reporter "How does it feel to be on the top of the charts with yet again hit book?"

Colby ran one finger down Charlie's face and examined it.

"Yup they definitely put makeup on him".

"Yes, Colby that is what they do when you go on tv: to everyone. Those people are ruthlessly".

Charlie explained as he dragged his sleeve against his face.

"Charlie stop, you are ruining all their hard work".

After a while, the hubbub died down and the team started to leave, talking about early flights and the need to return to work.

Don, Alan and Charlie were left at the table, picking up the whirlwind of a meal the team left behind.

"I think you would have eventually gotten around to the FBI, even without me" Don't speculate.

"You have worked for every agency in the alphabet soup".

"No, don't underestimate yourself Don; the FBI has you to thank for the use of my brilliance" Charlie said, pretending to brush his hand through his hair at the last word.

"Plus, I have got to tell, the FBI-way cooler than the other agencies".

"Really?' Don asked, wondering how much his brother was teasing him.

"Well except for the DCLG" Charlie remarked as he started to carry plates back to the kitchen.

"Wait" Don called after him "I have never even heard of that!"


End file.
